The face of God

"To love another person is to see the face of God."

I could tell you I never loved you, but then I'd be lying.

All the books we read and pictures we took still sit in my room in a dusty stack because I'll burn my hands if I touch them.

To say I'm not sad is once again a lie.

I'm a liar.

I'm not as strong as I try to seem because strong people accept help and the last thing I'll ever admit is that I need you.

I needed you.

I needed you when my car died and when my cat ran away and when my mom was sick and when I hurt my knee and there's too many times you showed me how much I meant to you by the absence of yourself.

I danced with you in the rain to Beyoncé the same night you told me you liked my smile.

I wish I could bring that smile back but you put it there and the last person I want to show it to is you.

I went away and you didn't write me.

I came back and you still didn't write me.

I went to the cafe we met at and saw us in the corner laughing like we always did.

I saw us on top of that building sitting under the stars the night you told me you liked the scent of my hair.

I saw us driving down the canyon at 6 am when the sun was rising when you told me you liked the way my eyes caught the sun.

We spent far too much time together and that was the biggest mistake.

You told me you don't steal but that's the biggest lie because you stole the only thing I couldn't get back and that was my time.

You told me you like to fix broken things, but I was fine until I met you and even though I broke a long time ago, I'm still trying to pick up the pieces you have thrown across the city.

There's 2 things all humans will always do: Break things and steal.

I fell in love with you. All of you all at once.

I fell in love with your laugh, your freckles, the way your hair curled behind your ear, the way you said certain words, that little face you'd make to try and push your glasses up without hands.

I fell in love with your lisp.

I fell in love with the stupidest things because they were you and if you're wondering if I called you stupid the answer is yes.

You chose habits over someone who loved you unconditionally and you feel in love with a drink that makes you forget what your name is.

I loved who you were and you love who you've become.

Love is about sacrifice, so I guess what I'm trying to say it's I'm happy you think you're happy but I've never been so upset at how sad you've really become.