10:51 pm

It's 10:51 on a Tuesday night and I'm tired. Not only because the time is slowly creeping into the next day, but because I'm tired of feeling this way.

It started a while ago. In fact, temporary happiness is all I seem to familiarize myself with. There's no such thing as being happy every part of every day, however it's starting to drain me like the rag you ring out before washing the dogs paws off after running in mud.

It's now 10:55 and my eyes are beginning to put up a fight to stay open. But I'm not thinking about that. I'm thinking about how my 16 year old friend is dating a 21 year old loser, and how a boy keeps telling me to go make out with him, and how my other friend is back at her house in New York and I can't see her everyday. I guess it's more stressful when you take a step back and look at the messy picture in front of and all around you.

A boy once told me that if unless you fight for what you want, someone is going to take that opportunity from you and leave you with nothing but footprints on the front of your shirt. He said that people will walk on you until you prove you're more than just a door mat. He said stop stressing over it, slap a smile on my face and get it together.

It made me think... Think of all the people who stepped on me, stressed me out and held me down like a rock tied to the string of a balloon.

Now it's 11:06 and I'm thinking about rocks. Those stupid rocks that hold you down. The rocks that can crush you if they fell from the top of a cliff, and the ones that get lost in your shoe. I'm thinking about which rocks in my life I can put them back where they came from. Which ones I need to take out of my tennis sneakers, and the ones I just need to stop climbing on before they create an avalanche.

Then it got me back to my problems... Where has my mom been? When did my friend lose herself and why did he do drugs?

Are those my problems?
Or are those just simply my rocks holding down the balloon that I need to be...?

Those rocks made me think... Am I the rock? Am I the one holding me back? Holding back my own happiness?

Seems to me problems will never be solved these days... Maybe that's why happiness is so hard to come by.

It's now 11:16 and I have no idea if this stupid blog post even makes sense... I'm thinking about what makes sense anymore, and actually I'm thinking about what bread is even made of these days... So way to end the post with a bang.
   
         Once again...

                         You're welcome...

It's now 11:32 and I've realized... I am the rock. The rock holding me down is nothing more than the grasp of my own five fingers gripped around the string of the balloon that I wish to be.

I
Am
The
Rock.